I discovered your website this morning as I queried “I will make a way where there seems to be no way” - I would like your input on my situation. I am the primary caregiver for my 83 year old mom with Alzheimer’s . I have been doing this for many years - my dad died 19 years ago. It is so hard for me to see her suffering - she is still ambulatory with a walker but is very confused and has lots of pain. It is so hard for me emotionally and physically. I am a Spirit filled believer but I feel like God has deserted me - I am frightened that there are still many more years left for my mom. She lives at home with 24/7 caregivers, including myself. You alluded to the fact that you had gone through a long faith testing ordeal. I am praying and asking God to make a way for me and my mom. That I would see Him move someway in this situation. I am emotionally exhausted and I daily pray about this but I do not see God answering in any way. I do not doubt that God hears my prayers or that He is able. I just don’t understand what is going on. You wrote that people that God is going to use will go through tough trials. I do not feel like God uses me at all. Currently, I feel very depressed. Today, I am asking God to just be real to me - it is so hard - I guess I am not trusting Him enough.
I also was just diagnosed with an auto immune disorder.
Thank you for reading/listening to me.
Blessings to you
thanks for emailing in and thanks especially for your honesty in sharing your current difficulties. I can hear your heart and tell that it is very difficult. My situation, and my Mum's situation was similar in a way. My father had pretty bad epilepsy from the age of 11 onwards. He was also incredibly difficult to live with. He had been on medication for most of his life to try and control the epilepsy (no luck there) and, near the end of his life, the doctors told us, 'actually, by the way, probably best if we take him off that drug because it has now been shown to have psychotic and violent side effects.' That explained a lot of the last 40 years or so, though a bit late. My mother had a total nervous breakdown in the early 2000's trying to look after him from all the pressure and I lived at home with my parents till I was 38 because there wasn't a choice really... I needed to help.
So I understand the difficulty of what you are saying. It isn't easy. These things often go on longer than we would like. But please don't lose hope and faith. God is still good in the midst of all our trials. I've been praying for you each day since the email arrived. The Bible says that God is a very present help in times of trouble. (Psalm 46:1) From my life I can say that is true but I'll also say that He has allowed things to happen that are a lot harder than what I expected or, quite frankly, wanted.
1 Peter 4:12-13 Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; (13) but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation.
Sometimes it feels like He is close and sometimes it feels like He is a million miles away. That doesn't matter. He works in ways we sometimes don't see or recognize but works faithfully, not allowing you to go beyond what you can take. Again, from my life that can be more, and harder, than I expected. But He has been good. So hang in there. Please start to thank Him. You may feel that things are too hard and nothing comes to mind but thank Him anyway... in the small things. Thank Him that He cares and is and will look after you. Wipe all thoughts from your mind as to whether you are trusting Him enough. There is no answer to that question and the enemy likes to exploit it. Just start finding things to thank Him for.
1Th 5:16 Rejoice always;
1Th 5:17 pray without ceasing;
1Th 5:18 in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
My father died in 2005 after having an epileptic seizure in the middle of the night and then subsequently had a heart attack and died. I was the only other person in the house at the time and I didn't see him in the morning (when he was already dead) so came home to find him. In many ways it was a merciful end for both him and us. So I understand your concern that your current state with your Mum may go on for quite a bit longer. None of us know when. But from my life and experience with my Dad, it did go on for a long time but I also think that God did give us relief by taking Him when the time was right. So I'll keep praying for your situation. God knows.
One last thought. A few months back my Mum had a God given dream. This doesn't happen at all often... Only really had two in her life she said. But this was God given. In it she became acutely aware that she was in another realm with the Lord. Her overwhelming feeling was one of amazement that all the problems, all the trials, all the difficulties that had gone on for so long, where all now passed, completely, never to be experienced again. She said that she had this great sense of relief that the problems of this world would never be seen again. The other overwhelming feeling was one of harmony. She knew that she belonged in this new world. She felt like she was at home. She looked around in her dream and could see meadows and a river and her brother walking along the river with someone else (she doesn't know who that was). As they came close she said she saw that there clothing and being was glowing and vibrant with the life of God. She then woke up.
I'm telling you this because all of us need to remember where we are going and what the hope set before us. Especially when life is difficult. Hold on and set your hope on the grace to be revealed to you (1 Peter 1:13)
I hope some of this helps and I will keep praying for your situation. But be assured that God is a God who makes a way. Sometimes out tests and trials are more than we would like. But God makes a way through. I wrote a study on this that you may like:
God will make a way
Let me know how things work out.